Bleach's Film Review

So i believe in my anti Titanic 3-D rant i described the current film landscape like the sahara, Well these are the second rate watering holes that i have chosen to drink from until something good comes along. So over the next month i will be reviewing the following…

Get Him To The Greek

My expectations for this film rank somewhere from luke warm to almost frozen. I want this to be good, You have no idea how much i want it to be good even though im not Russell Brands biggest fan. I did however like him in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (7/10) but I dont know how much of Aldous Snow i can take in bulk. Predicted Rating 6/10

When In Rome

If my expectations of Get him to the greek are almost frozen then my expectations from this may as well be an experiment in cryogenics. Another Forgetting Sarah Marshall cast member in this one with the brilliant and beautiful Kristen Bell taking the lead, and although her performance in the cancelled to soon Veronica Mars will make me a fan for life i really don’t think this one has any potential. Predicted Rating 4/10

Whatever Works

No idea on this one, Going in completely Blind! All i know is its Woody Allen working with Larry David. Just from the cast alone my expectations are high. Predicted Rating 7/10

Toy Story Three

Ahhh at last i have made it to the plush oasis of Disney Pixar. Opening to a june U.S box office record weekend ($110) and grabbing rave reviews in the process TS3 looks like its going to raise the bar even higher with how an animated film can become something more than just something for the kids. Pixar raised the bar to almost stratospheric levels with Wall-E (8/10) and Up (9/10) but don’t doubt they can’t raised it again! will it be a perfect 10/10? Don’t bet against it! Predicted Rating 9/10 (I know i said don’t bet against it, i’m just covering my ass incase it turns out shit!)

So i haven’t updated this in a while, mainly because I have been too busy to go and watch films to review and mainly because the current cinema landscape is so barren of things i want to watch its like wandering through the sahara on an especially dry day, with second rate films the only oasis while the mirage of decent films (toy story three) are so far away on the horizon.

That said i read something today that made me re think my “I don’t give a toss” attitude towards this blog and got me a typing away (on my iPad i would like to add, take that Microsoft (yes i know thats being showy, bite me))

So what could it be i hear you asking? (If you are asking please close the browser as you are obviously to stupid to operate a computer… i think the title of this entry gives it away) Actually i hear nobody because this review has the same reading numbers as mien campf does in israel but here goes

3-D version of Titanic to be released in 2012

Sorry if I’m new to this news, the only thing going on in my head over the last couple of days has been my finishing of education forever and how shit england are at football, but what the hell?

Is it me or does the impending destruction of the earth that year suddenly seem all the more promising if it can save us from this crock of shit? (the amount of swearing in this already gets rid of any family friendly reviewing technique that i could have been going for… Infact i think its drop kicked it out a top story window) Now I don’t agree with the whole 3-D craze that is ripping its way through Hollywood at the moment, as much as i understand the film industry is there to line the pockets of studio execs and rape the poor movie going public (I.e you and me) into parting with our hard earned cash, this 3-D phase feels like it is just trying to bum fuck us out of the last pence/cents/doubloons (delete as appropriate) that still manage to line our wallets. But I also understand that this new technology is there and all directors and their dog will use it. Hating 3-D is like hating chavs, they annoy the fuck out of you, but in the long run you accept that they are there and content yourself with the knowledge that you are better than them, and spy on them through the scopes of sniper rifles from a distant vantage point ready to pull the tri… Sorry i digress, but 3-D now is like the creation of sound, colour, and widescreen, hated by the arty types when they were created but now the bread and butter of film and tv, so new films jumping out of the screen like rapists out of bushes is some thing we all have to live to accept. What i think takes the piss is when films get rehashed in all their 3-D glory and forced upon the public, especially If the film in question was up until earlier this year the highest box office grossing film of all time. Titanic took over $1bn at the box office world wide, second only to Camerons other story-less but beautiful epic avatar. Why this film needs to be re done is nothing more than an exercise in how much money can we get from the thick as shit public, and i for one am ashamed of Hollywood. I wonder what sort of budget has gone towards this process and if it could have been used to create something other than targets for my DVD shooting range (I don’t have a shooting range, DVD or otherwise)

In summery i think there are plenty of new things that could be done, with 3-D or not 3-D but to try and get people to buy something that they already have in some cases multiple times is one of the reasons that Hollywood is going to shit. 

Secondly i heard that clash of the titans is getting a sequel. My point is confirmed.

Cemetery Junction (2010)

It seams to me that Ricky Gervais is a man like marmite, you love him or you hate him. I am the former, for me everything the man touches is gold. The Office is television genius as is Extras. Ignoring small hick ups such as 2009s flop The Invention of Lying he really is a talented man. But im going to try and look at this from both sides, because there is something here for the lovers to love and the haters to storm out on.

Cemetery junction is life, ok it maybe set in the 70’s something i think the majority of people in my theatre did not experience, But the setting may change, people never change. The group of friends could be any group of friends, the confident one, the good looking one and the loveable looser. The story could be placed in any decade and still be relevant, its a story of growing up, or lack of growing up, and trying to find your place in a world that sometimes doesn’t want to know you. I don’t think the story however is the problem with this film, Its problem (if you consider it one) is that it doesnt know quite what it is supposed to be. Gervais and Stephen Merchant have both stronly stated that this is not a comedy, but alot of the lines seam to be there for cheap laughs, and this is gervais comedy down to the ground, the chringworthy talk at the breakfast table about “them blacks” had people in the theatre squirming in a way that nobody but Gervais can make you, but if this really isn’t a comedy why is it there?

Gervais for once in his own work takes somewhat of a back seat, not giving himself the lead (but somehow manages a lot of screen time)  but the lead charcter is so Gervais like that it is so obviously his handy-work, his name could be no where on this and people would be able to spot it from a mile. Not that this is a bad thing again, It all depends on what side of that love/hate line that you fall. It must be said that even if you hate the Gervaisness (if thats a word) of his character Christian Cooke plays it to perfection. 

What i will say of Cemetery junction is you really get a feeling of hope for the characters, the way you relate to them, makes you root for them, you want what they want, you hope that they will somehow manage to achieve their goals, and you hope that in the most possible cliched way that everything works out well in the end. The charcters develop well and every high builds up your own emotions untill the low comes and nocks them back again, and that is the genius for me of this film, the emotion it gets from the viewer watching people basically live thier life. 

From a cast point of view we have already discussed Cooke’s portrayal of freddy, But this cast manages to give great performances. Tom Hughes and Jack Doolan bounce off each other and Cooke so well you would think they were real life best friends. Ralph Fiennes Plays the asshole to perfection. For me the stand out in this one has to be Felicity Jones, A great performance from a promising actress. I look forward to seeing her in the future. 

This review i don’t think has done anything, And i think thats because there is nothing It can do, It wont make the haters like it anymore, and it wont make the lovers like it any less. It’s Gervais and Merchant, maybe not quite how we know them, but they are showing a side that was there all along in the office and extras and i think this really shows that scrape away at the cringeworthy comedy and there is something there. Something that might not make you laugh, but if your anything like me it will make you leave the theatre with a big smile on your face.

Cemetery Junction: 7/10. Gervais at his normal best, plenty here for the people that love him to love, but won’t convince the haters to do anything but hate him.

Kick Ass (2010)

So Here it is, My first Review.

I would like to point out straight away that Kick Ass was in no way what i was expecting from the trailers. Perhaps i didn’t read enough into it, something that i do not like to do, i don’t want someone else’s opinion, critic or otherwise to cloud my own judgement. Or perhaps i assumed to much from trailers that can become diluted for television as the rating of a film increases. But it was so different from what i was expecting i came within two minuets of leaving the theatre. 

I don’t want this to be see as a dig on what is a brilliant film. But when you expect teen comedy about a failing superhero and get (look away now before spoilers) man in industrial sized microwave it can be a shock to the system. That being said once my perception of what i was viewing changed this film becomes something brilliant.

I don’t want to fill this review with plot, if you like this you will want to see it for yourself you won’t want me to give you all the details. But what i will say is this, if you do not like violence then this film is not for you. The violence was the main thing that shocked me with Kick Ass and such things such as aforementioned man in giant microwave. It is graphic as i have seen in many 18 rated films, i think the line comes on where it passes from Comedy to full on Gore and if ever there was a film that toes the line, this is it. 

Again i seam to be bashing so lets move on the the points that make this film the stand out comedy of the year so far. The acting is strong, Its great to see Christopher Mintz-Plasse give the performance that Superbad fans such as myself knew he is capable of, and may finally loose that McLovin name that he has been left with. Nicolas Cage Gives a solid performance as the batman styled “Big Daddy” and his original Adam West style dialogue gives his character a great presence when he is on screen. There are great performances littered through out this film, but my standout goes to Chloe Moretz, Her performance as “Hit-Girl” shows the  potential in this young actress that we first saw in last years stand out rom com (500) days of summer. 

I don’t think that Kick Ass will be racking up the award noms. But what it will get is a great reception from Viewers and set a benchmark that all future superhero films will have to live up to, This may be as close to superhero perfection as has ever been shown on screen, something gritty that we can really get our teeth in to. 

Likes.

Great performances from a great cast

Storyline moved at pace and kept me interested throughout

Genuinely funny

Dislikes

The shock of the violence

Left me wanting more

Over all i Give Kick Ass 7/10. Funny, brutal, great storyline, probably should have been an 18, but probably as close to comic book film perfection as it is possible to get.